And now this...

Facts, figures
Fears in my head
Some solidifying, some evaporating
Should I listen to others?
Is golden turmeric paste the answer?
Or surgery?
Or just forget it all, he has such a happy healthy every day routine
Why is it happening? 
What difference does it make? It is. And I will learn from it. We all will. 
So why can't it be that the Energy work is reality? 
Why can't it be that the Switchwords work?
Why not take for granted that the Energy work and the Numerology and the focusing of energy and thought on health is the most effective cure??
Why not?
Why think that they are only alternatives?
Why can't allopathy be the alternative? 
Is it the power of money? Is it that until we spend money on cures we don't feel like we’ve done anything valid?
We’re doing everything we can. No. We’re doing everything we feel makes sense. We’re choosing what to spend the money on so that he is least harmed and most benefited. 
We’re focusing on health, enjoying healthy, happy play, giving love and receiving love, looking at the eye with love and talking to him about the power he has to heal. The power he has to relax and forgive and let the past be and just enjoy the now with us, and enjoy the gift of the present time. 
Why not believe that he has chosen us to live his life the way he wants, with love and acceptance and tremendous capacity to charge ahead and enjoy life? He has chosen to leave behind his life in the wild. Perhaps he chose to be born a dog because he wants to give and receive unconditional love. 
Our blue-eyed boy, literally! Our one-eyed pirate-puppy! 
Thoughts swim to the surface again
Will the doctor think me nuts to ignore the problem now and spend more money on expensive procedures later? Do I think I'm nuts for that reason? Or do I just think that others will think me nuts?
What about me? What do I think? Where is my voice? It is speaking and I know it is always speaking loud and clear. The other voices in my head get in the way… the voices of the judged, the voices of the afraid, the voices of the shamed...even the voices of the logical...those facts and figures… Can anyone escape them? Those all-knowing facts and figures?
Even those who are least judgemental and most supportive and wonderful are still not my inner voice. There is no escaping the truth - I must find my own reality. No amount of advice or support takes away the need to do the work myself. 
That’s all it is. Belief.
If I believe, then it is.
That’s what I can do. But I must do it honestly. Feel its power honestly. I cannot pretend to believe. Or rather I can, but it is not belief.
I can choose to believe, deliberately, with intention. Before that, I may need to ask why-nots to allow myself this new belief. 
I imagine scenarios… like what if I believed but then something went wrong…. What is the difference? When we are ready to handle each moment on its own, without baggage of the past or future, then these scenarios are jokes. Just take each moment.


Veena